Saturday, July 30, 2016

For as long as it lasts

I just found out a long time favorite friend is moving away.

After a minute of feeling sorry for myself at the loss of a fun friend I began the cycle of grief.

How does it go? denial, loss, fear, anger, acceptance?

Somewhere after the denial that it was, in fact, true. Came the loss and poor me feelings, and the fear things would never be the same and who would I go to lunch with now?

 Then came a fleeting second where I was angry, "how dare she leave me and live her own life?" Which lead to thoughts of , "Would I have done things differently with other friendships had I known this was the end result?" and that second really was only one second, because as soon as I thought it, I knew, "No, nothing would have changed this, because I live and love as much as I can for as long as I can, for as long as it lasts."  It just felt right. This is really how I choose to love.

I do this with all of my friendships and relationships now. I'm not sure when I started doing and feeling this way, but I feel good about it.

With any relationship with friendships or lovers, or dating or acquaintances, I feel like you can enjoy it wholly for what it is, and take what you learn from each one and at the end move forward in life having learned a lesson or felt something new.

 Everyone you meet and associate with has something to teach you. Perspectives to gain or feelings to sort through.

The real trick is not to lose that ability to love and make friendships or losing hope or attempting to prevent perceived potential pain, for fear of getting hurt.

How many amazing experiences do we lose out on if we stay inside and hide under the covers all day everyday where it is air conditioned and safe and comfortable? I'd know I'd  miss out on amazing sunsets and fluffy clouds against brilliant blue skies and those are some of my simplest pleasures in life, seeing them in pictures is nice but experiencing them myself is so much better.

So, even though this new loss of an old friendship makes me a sad, and triggers feelings of loss, I will enjoy the last few weeks I have with one of my favorite friends. and we always have facebook to pretend like we see eachother more than we do. Pictures won't replace the long lunches with talks about everything and nothing, and the girls nights and dinners. but they are definitely better than nothing and I wish her every happiness on this new adventure and hope that she will be happier where she goes, she'll make new friends but also know she always has one here who loves her unconditionally.

© 2016 crazymamaof7